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Warning: May cause uncontrollable horniness.
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July 3-4, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
By my reckoning, it's been 232 years since
the colonies in the new world decided to
throw off the oppressive shackles of British
bondage and declare to the world, "We're mad
as hell, and we're not going to take anymore!"
But maybe now would be a good time to remind them.
The Top 16 Ways Modern-Day Americans
Can Declare Their Independence From England
(Part I)
- Then: Dump crates of tea in Boston Harbor. Now: Throw empty Snapple bottles at Buckingham Palace.
- Have President Bush steal Benny Hill's move and repeatedly slap Dick Cheney on top of his bald head.
- "BURN, HOGWARTS, BURN!!!!"
- Get over our Amy Winehouse fixation and bring our attention back to the Spears family where it belongs.
- Change the official language of the United States to Mandarin-inflected Creole.
- Drink only American Tea, like Earl Grey!
- Beat up BOTH Oasis brothers, just to show we don't take sides.
- The same way our forefathers at Valley Forge did -- only we prefer losing fingers to drunken firecracker mishaps rather than the traditional frostbite.
- Elect not to buy a Rolls Royce and go with a Saturn instead.
- Produce our own investigation of Princess Di's death using Matchbox cars and Thunderbird.
- Our Fergie vs. their Fergie -- IN THE OCTAGON!
- Boycott 007 movies until the producers come to their senses and give Bob Saget the role he was born to play.
- Deport Beckham, keep Posh.
- "Your Majesty? An orange-vested Dick Cheney is at the Palace door, insisting on personally delivering an urgent message."
- Forget Bin Laden; have the CIA dispose of Mr. Bean.
and the Number 1 Way Modern-Day Americans Can Declare Their Independence From England...
- Speak even worser English.
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Selected from 99 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1 (89th #1) Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 2, 4 Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
- Russ Beland, Springfield, VA -- 4
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 5, Banner Tag
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 6, 12
- Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 7, 13 Website
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 9
- Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 10, 15 Website
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 11, Topic
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 14
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 16
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Paul Revere & the Raiders, Portland, OR -- Ambience (explanation)
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© Copyright 1994-2008. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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