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Philharmonic quality -- without all the cultural baggage.
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July 9, 2008
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Purimopueru, the Japanese singing, Teletubbyish doll
that responds when you hug it, has become wildly popular
among grannies coping with the country's decreasing
numbers of small children. More than 1 million of the
dolls have been sold, mostly to women over the age of 50.
The Top 16 Marketing Slogans for a Fake Grandchild Doll
- Just like a real grandchild, but without the messy emotional ties.
- Guaranteed not to get pregnant when your curious real grandson plays "doctor" with it.
- Soft as a plastic baby's behind!
- Hey, it hates its thankless, self-absorbed, career-obsessed parents as much as you do!
- All the fake affection of cats, with no litter box to clean!
- Uses far fewer batteries than an actual teenager!
- Save $2 every birthday!
- The doll that *really* wants to know what things cost when you were a kid.
- Pull the string and hear it say, "You're much nicer and prettier than my other grandmother."
- Absent-mindedly leave it in a parked car -- legally!
- She'll never grow and learn to walk, so she'll never work the pole at a Pensacola strip joint.
- Purimopueru understands the depth of your children's ingratitude.
- "I'm usually sweet, but when I'm bratty, hand me headless back to Daddy!"
- Guaranteed to never steal your Social Security check for Jonas Brothers tickets.
- Purimopueru: Because your barren daughter and gay son have thoroughly shamed the family.
and the Number 1 Marketing Slogan for a Fake Grandchild Doll...
- We don't make your life. We make it pathetic-er.
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Selected from 85 submissions from 30 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 1, 12 (11th #1)
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 2, 5 Hall of Famer
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 2
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3, 6 Website / Hall of Famer
- Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 3
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Gideon Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa -- 9
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 10
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX -- 11 Website
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 13 Website / Hall of Famer
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 14
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID -- 15
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 16
- Andrea Crain, Madison, WI -- Topic Website
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- Topic
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- The Hellacopters, Sweden -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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